I was born into a world of physical and sexual abuse. I learned through that I was different from everyone else; that I was dirty and bad.
Sexual sin creates a shame that is not easily removed. It leaves a stain that is dark and keeps you on “the other side” of life feeling unworthy and defensive. As a young adult I made many trips to the office for fist fighting. Once I started dating, I continued to make bad choices and ended up in an abusive relationship that left me scarred and pregnant at the age of 17. As a single Mom, my dysfunction persisted every time I went off in search of a relationship to numb my pain. It is still a wonder to me that I am here today and alive after many drunken nights surrounded by the wrong people.
I did finally get married but it was not long before that ended. I could hear that voice inside me saying “See, I knew you were not good enough for him, your life is a lie.”
Even though our marriage ended, God was just starting his work. After a few years, we reunited but we were still broken and I hadn’t dealt with my past. My only hope to put our family back together again and to find freedom was through Jesus. So I went to church.
I was immediately loved and welcomed by my Pastor and the Sisterhood family; this was the team that locked arms with me and believed in me, even when I couldn’t. They believed my relationship with my ex-husband would be restored and that my pain would be healed.
I was on the verge of a mental breakdown when I entered Celebrate Recovery at Shoreline. Every Saturday morning in our little room of grace, I unpacked the darkness and shame. I began to see beyond those dirty secrets to grasp who I am in my creator’s eyes. I learned God is bigger than any sin.
During my walk towards recovery, my husband and I were remarried, and the veil of shame that kept me from living the life that God had for me, was lifted.
Today I embrace all God has for me. Through his love and Grace; I now stand and fight for others as they make their own journey to Freedom.